TOMS

For our wedding, the entire wedding party wore TOMS shoes. It was that little off-the-beaten-path touch that we wanted, and I think everyone looked great.

In spite of the fact that TOMS are kind of pricey - when you buy a pair, you really buy two, because they donate a pair of shoes to children in need - I have decided that it was a great investment.

Jordan and I wear our TOMS all the time (I'm wearing mine right now, in fact!). If I had worn fancy heels, I'm sure I would seldom wear them again. Besides, my feet would have been killing me. For any brides out there, I highly encourage flats for the wedding. Your blister-free feet will thank you.

One Week(ish) In

We've been married for a little over a week now. Jordan said this to me on our honeymoon, and I think it describes well how things have been so far: "Isn't it funny how not different this feels?"

Jordan and I have been together nearly four years. We've soared through the elated first year, suffered a break-up, navigated the choppy waters of relationship defining and getting back together. After all of that, it's true; while getting married is a huge step, in a lot of ways it only feels natural. Jordan is my best friend, my spiritual guide, my "inner logician" (a term he gave himself when he decided I tend to neglect logic when making basic decisions). And now, he's my husband. A new title to add to the list, but things haven't changed that much.

On the flip side, I have been thinking about the changes that have taken place, even if they're subtle ones. My mom and sisters live not five minutes away from our new apartment, but now I've dropped down to seeing them once or twice a week as opposed to every single day. It's kind of like when you graduate; the friends you're used to seeing almost every day are now, suddenly, incredibly far away. I'm always surprised at how much effort it requires to regularly visit friends and family even when you live in the same town as them. Everyone is always so busy; work, school, other obligations and responsibilities, unexpected circumstances. Even at less than five minutes away, you still have to make a firm effort to see people.

Even though it's been only a little over a week, I feel a little sad at the thought of pulling away fro my family. We'll always be family, of course, and I will always love and cherish the wonderful family God has blessed me with, but Jordan is my priority relationship now. Our family, the me-and-him family, is the one that needs the most attention and nourishment. It's going to be a somewhat strange transition, but like I said before, it feels very natural in a lot of ways, too.

Since the wedding planning is all over now, I'm not sure how much I'll be posting on here anymore. Feel free to check out my normal blog for basic life updates. I think I'll keep writing on Wedding Thoughts for a while, and I'll definitely keep it up and running, but I think it's time to start weening off of it.

That said, I feel like I should end with some moving reflection on the journey of getting married. Since I can't think of anything right now, I'll just say this: Jordan and I were talking about it last night, and while the wedding is certainly the culmination of months of stress and planning and appointments and shopping, it is only the beginning. Who knows what the future holds? Whatever it is, Jordan and I have impossibly promised each other that even though we have no idea what might happen, we will stand by each other. It is only thanks to God and his grace, and our marriage firmly tied together by Christ, that we may stay true to our word.

Lord have mercy.

The New Life That Awaits Has Already Begun

I can't write much because it's almost 1:00 and tomorrow, I'm getting married.

Somehow, this all still feels surreal. Or maybe, it's not surrealism I'm feeling, but a sense that this is all natural and normal. It feels normal to be with Jordan, to be marrying him. Of course, tomorrow is not a normal, ordinary day; in fact, tomorrow is going to be one of those days where the ordinary (a chapel, a restaurant, a dress, a party, a room where I wait with my friends and family to walk down an aisle) becomes extraordinary. But in a way, after all of this planning and preparation and expectation and anticipation, this just feels right. In a way, as a mentor of mine once put it, "the new life that awaits has already begun." Jordan already feels like a husband to me. He's been a leader and a lover and a giver. We're involved with each other's families. He's come to France with us twice - first in January to visit, then in May for my grandfather's funeral. I remember distinctly thinking on that trip that it was one of those times where the new life had already begun. He comforted my mom, holding her in a hug after we went to the viewing. He talked and laughed and fellowshipped with my cousins and aunts and uncles. He looked after me when I started to feel sick. I wonder how different our relationship will, or won't, feel after tomorrow.

I keep thinking about how this is such a huge thing that we're doing, and I keep thinking that I should be more nervous and frightened than I am. But I also have a strong feeling that I'm going to wake up in the morning very nervous. I can fall asleep because I'm tired, but once I wake up tomorrow I think it'll be go go go until 2:00.

I really want to be calm and focused and aware tomorrow. I don't want it to be a "blur", as so many people say it will be. Anna told me the other day that she was really in awe at her sister's wedding last summer, because she realized that it's such a rare and special and amazing thing to be making a covenant before God and witnesses. That same mentor I quoted earlier also told me this: tomorrow is a day that will be full of outrageous promises that are only made and kept by grace. I couldn't put it better myself.

By God's grace I have Jordan in my life. By grace I have the family and friends I do, who have helped me and loved me and comforted me and inspired me and lived with me throughout this whole process, and who will be there at my side tomorrow. I think it's amazing that Jordan and I are literally going to be flanked by some of the most special people in our lives. We each have a fleet of wingmen who are there to watch out for us and cheer us on.

Tonight, I'm going to pray that God will grant us grace and peace tomorrow.

Soon, I want to catch up on all those things I mentioned earlier, as well as my awesome bachelorette party. I knew Rebekah would do a good job.

Confessions (two days to go!)

For the most part, I think I've been pretty good this whole time about not being perfectionistic about our wedding. Hannah and I like to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC from time to time, and while I enjoy seeing the different branches of wedding fashion, I am always floored by how much the featured brides are willing to shell out for a dress they're going to wear for one day. The cheapest gowns I've ever seen on the show are about $3,000, and some episodes have spotlighted brides obsessed with gowns up to $10,000.

Of course, it's easy to let all of the wedding preparations balloon out of control. It seems that the thought that "this only happens once" can easily take hold of even the most level-headed brides. I'm not always the most level-headed, but when shopping for a gown, or making the invitations, or picking music for the ceremony, I didn't really let things go to my head. I don't really remember thinking, "this has to be perfect because this is our only shot" about any of those things. I mentioned this to Jordan, and he responded, "Good. Keep thinking that way."

But with the wedding so close, and reality sinking in that this is really happening, and all eyes will be on us that day, I honestly think that our wedding, as well as aspects of the preparations, have turned into idols. Somewhere between a month to go and two weeks to go, the wedding became gilded in gold, and it morphed into this combination of unrealistic ideals and thoughts of what-ifs and it-should've-been. It's taken a couple of breakdowns and a couple of lost hours of sleep and several rational talks with Jordan to make me realize that I have begun to "perfectionist" the wedding, getting in arguments with Jordan over things like whether we should sing a hymn in the ceremony, or picking out songs to put on our CD mix wedding favors.

I think I understand why this happens, at least in part. Let me speak from a woman's perspective: typically, a woman's wedding day is probably the only day in her life where everyone is waiting on her hand and foot; everyone is anticipating her entrance into the ceremony; all eyes are on her, photographers follow her every move like paparazzi, everyone tells her how beautiful she is, everyone is thinking about her, her, her. With all of that attention comes a lot of pressure, and who wouldn't want everything to be perfect? After all, this is basically the biggest party of your life, literally hundreds of people show up, and most brides spend months (or, Lord help them, over a year) preparing for this, as well as preparing themselves, striving to be as beautiful as possible.

So yeah, it can get a little overwhelming, to say the least. And I am the kind of person who can place a lot of stock in events like this; I desperately want things to go perfectly, so that I have nothing but pleasant, beautiful memories to give me happiness for the rest of my days. But there are a lot of things wrong with that sentence. First of all, nothing is going to go perfectly, and it's definitely not going to go exactly how you expect it to. If I had it my way, all of my family and friends would be here all of the time, and we would laugh and plan and be excited about everything together. But as it is, my family doesn't all live in one place, and many of my far-away friends can't make the trip, either for financial reasons or because of previous commitments they can't get out of.

Secondly, I have a tendency to bank way too much of my emotional and even spiritual security in my own happiness. If I'm not happy, you see, than something's wrong. If I'm not unable to contain my excitement at any given moment, I obviously have some kind of personal problems preventing me from experiencing the pure, unfluctuating pre-marital bliss that could be mine, if only my attitude was better.

Truth is, the eight months we've been engaged have been difficult. I changed schools, I missed my sister, my grandfather passed away, my family is moving from my childhood home to a different state. I've faced a lot of big life changes in a relatively short amount of time. It's been a crucible of life-altering choices and changes, you could say.

I have to admit, I idealize what I see among the many other couples I know who are about to get married. I only see a tiny fraction of their lives, but I impose a state of perfection onto them. I think that things are going so easily, so smoothly, there's nothing hard about making the choice to get married.

I was talking about these things with my dear friend and bridesmaid Anna today. She flew into town this afternoon and is going to be staying with me for the big weekend. When everyone else was out running errands, Anna and I had the house to ourselves, and while we worked on wedding tasks we were afforded some much-needed one-on-one time just to talk, like we used to so often when we lived together at Biola (never roommates, but room-neighbors, then dorm-neighbors). I confessed to Anna that I was comforted to hear about another woman getting married who is not skipping with excitement, but a little apprehensive about the big change that awaits her. I love Anna because she often sees a side of things that I don't, at least not immediately, so she helps to pull me out of my funks and keep me grounded.

"Everyone approaches change differently," she said. "Some people are just like, 'YEEESSS!', but others think about the different sides of it more, and see the happy and the sad. Whenever you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else, and it can be hard to say no to good things even when the thing you're getting is so great. And that's not inhuman."

And that's really what marriage is. Saying yes to one person, and saying no to everyone else. I have confidence that Jordan is the person I want to say yes to, but the seriousness and resolution of making that kind of commitment are aw-inspiring at least, even a little fearsome.

But that commitment is a good thing. It's a God thing. It's something that, as Pastor Mark Scales (our officiant) has said, Satan hates. And as a Christian, I love doing things that Satan hates.

I guess this all ties into the idolatry thing because I've realized that I can't rely on things like the wedding, or the parties leading up to it, or any part of this process for emotional security or my own happiness. Jordan and I were talking about this last night, and as we held hands and walked around my neighborhood in the purplish twilight I told him, "I just want my happiness to come from you and Jesus." (Jesus more, obviously, but I was trying to emphasize the fact that my spouse ought to be my rock, as far as human relationships go.)

If I find that I am sinking into an emotional bog because some expectation about the wedding wasn't met, or something goes wrong and ruins my day, or even because I obsess over the ceremony programs because they ought to be just so and wonderful and they should move people, I'm worshiping idols. The wedding planning idol, which is part of the wedding day idol, which is part of the if-I-don't-have-[fill in the blank]-then-I'm-going-to-be-forever-unhappy idol. I'm comforted again by the words of Pastor Mark: "I don't remember being very excited about planning the wedding, or even the wedding itself, but I know I enjoy being married."

In short, yes; of all the days of your life, I think everyone has a certain right to want their wedding day to go well, and to reflect them, and to be enjoyable and memorable. But I'm also getting to the point where I'm ready to be done and married and in possession of the time to write and read for pleasure, and go to movies with my husband, and relax and have breakfast on our little apartment patio.

But first, I'd like to have my bachelorette party. Word on the street is, it's going to be AWESOME.

I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I've let myself fall off the edge of the blogosphere, and now it's going to be hard for me to get back in, especially with the inevitable business this weekend is going to bring. Did I mention that we're getting married in four days?

I've got a couple of blogs, and lots of thoughts, on backlog. I'm not sure the best way to do this; I think I'll try to backtrack by working through the past couple of weeks until I get back to the present.

I can't get over the feeling that I've failed a little bit. I know there's not a lot riding on my writings here - only my own self-processing and peace of mind - but I wanted to be more consistent than I have been. I'm not giving up, though. And I'm trying to beat this dejected attitude by reminding myself that just because the wedding planning process is coming to a close, it doesn't mean that I, or our relationship, is done growing.

Unity

Lately, I've been wondering about all of the cliches you hear tossed around when people talk about relationships and commitment. "Communication is key." "You have to make sacrifices." "It goes both ways." And, more generally, I've been wondering about what being unified with someone really means.

Obvious statement: Being in a committed relationship is definitely more difficult than being single. In the past months since Jordan and I got engaged, we've seen some of the hardest times in our relationship yet, and that's coming out of three years of serious dating.

About a week ago, Jordan and I were sitting in the Baptist Student Union on campus with our friends, Paul and Kristen, who are also a couple. As Paul and Jordan vehemently (and loudly) discussed church orthodoxy, Kristen and I chatted. She asked me about what our plans for the future are, and I told her that it somewhat depends on what kind of job Jordan gets, and where.

"Yeah," she said, "it gets hard when you have two people, because it's like, 'Well, I got a job here, but you got a job there . . .'"

That's one of the first things I'm learning about commitment, and sacrifice. The decisions I make no longer affect only me and my future and plans, and the same goes for Jordan. I think part of being unified as husband and wife means that when I make a decision, I'm not only thinking about myself - as in, Sarah - but "myself" has expanded to become Sarah and Jordan.

We talked about some of these things at our final pre-marital counseling session last Saturday. But before I get into that, I'm going to throw in a plug here: if you're engaged, I highly recommend that you look into some kind of pre-marital counseling. It's so beneficial to actually be thinking and talking about all the different nitty gritty details and nuances that are thrown into the complex, strange, exciting world of marriage. Like decisions-making, for example.

We've been doing pre-marital under the guidance of Dan and Trudy, a couple from church who has been in charge of the pre-marital front for a while. Last Saturday we doubled up to make-up the lesson we missed when we went to France for my grandfather's funeral the week before. The make-up lesson focused on the role and duties of the wife, and one of the things that came up was decision-making. I was pretty exhausted, and it was past 9:00 by the time we got into the second lesson, so I hadn't been doing a lot of talking. Jordan was the one who brought up this question:

How we should approach decisions that are of a larger-scale, such as where we're going to live? Jordan aptly explained that of the two of us, I am the one who has more trouble establishing a solid group of friends and that I really missed the community I left behind when I moved from California back home to New Mexico. As he talked, I started to get choked up, because everything he was saying was true. But I also hadn't realized that he had such a complete understanding of my feelings, and my desires.

Dan and Trudy gave us some criteria for making decisions, including spiritual factors and pragmatic factors. Of course, finances are a big part of deciding to make such a big move. But, as Trudy pointed out, my spiritual health is something to be considered, and to be considered seriously. Since it's harder for me to form deep friendships with people, it's significant to consider what would be best for me in that regard.

And then, as we were talking about indecision, Dan said something that completely blew my mind.

"Go before God together, even in indecision," he said. "It's OK to say, 'God, we don't know what to do here. This is her side, this is his side, and we can't tell what the right thing to do is."

As I've gone through various phases of indecision (often long and drawn out, and very emotionally and spiritually taxing), many people have given me similar advice: that it's alright to be unsure. It's even OK to make a decision without being entirely sure if it's right. Faith shines in times of uncertainty. In a big way, that's sort of what faith means: to have a deeper certainty and peace beneath the tumultuous ocean of choices and possible paths to take. God is good, Christ is Lord, and we have been granted eternal life and salvation from sin. Those are pretty big rocks to stand on in times of trouble. At least, they ought to be, but I'm sad to say that even as I'm writing this, I am not bereft of troubles. Even the relatively small ones, when they start gnawing, can blind me to the security I have in Christ.

Even though I've been advised similarly in the past, it's almost novel to me that Jordan and I can be in indecision, but at peace. Secure. Faith-full. I often think of indecision, or differences in opinion or desires, as sources of conflict; I'd never considered the paradoxical notion of being united in that kind of division.

I spoke earlier of the relationship cliches I hear thrown around so much; within Christian conversation, there seems to be an entirely other set of stock phrases. I'm hesitant to call Scripture cliche, but the most common one I can think of is "love your wives as Christ loves the church." Taken from Ephesians 5:25-33, which says, in its entirety:

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, the she might holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

OK, that's pretty packed, and a tall order for husbands. When I say that the phrase, "love your wife as Christ loves the church" is cliche, what I mean is that it's something I've heard for as long as I can remember, but I've never really understood exactly what it means. It usually conjures up ideas of sacrifice and stewardship, but that's not satisfying. Maybe no one really gets it until they're married; heck, maybe no one ever really gets it. After all, it's difficult to comprehend the enormity of Christ's love and sacrifice. However, in the past few weeks, I think I've begun to formulate a clearer understanding for myself.

In times of uncertainty, I focus my energy on relying on and trusting in God. For Christians, our security in him ought to provide that peace that surpasses understanding. Marriage, I believe, is a microcosm of that. In times of uncertainty, which we are experiencing now and, I'm sure, many more times in the future, our marriage covenant can be our source of peace and security. A married acquaintance of mine put it this way: so many people think that marriage is a loss of freedom; it's actually quite freeing. That lifelong commitment that can scare people - it's scared me - provides a unique kind of freedom. The freedom that comes in knowing that no matter what, this person is committed to being with me, working with me, loving me, crying with me, helping me, encouraging me, guiding me. And, being uncertain with me.

The key in all of this is "with me." Of course, there is a great deal of self-sacrifice that comes with marriage, much of which I'm sure I don't even know about yet. Sacrifice is also part of the "as Christ loves the church" thing. But to pledge unity even in times of uncertainty or disagreement; that's our reward for such sacrifice. It's a promise that runs deeper than any trouble we may face, one that binds us together at the core of all things.

One that God has forged, and no man shall separate.

Flowers, Flowers, Flowers!

Hey there. It's been a while; how are things?

On the wedding planning front, things are going well, although it's been an exhausting week. This time last week my family and I were in France for my grandfather's funeral. It was a short trip, so kind of a shocking dose of jet lag to deal with, and when we got back last Monday night Jordan and I had to stay up and study for finals. Yeah, that was fun.

Nonetheless! We have successfully made it through the semester, and for Jordan, he successfully made it to graduation! He's worked so hard these past four years, gone above and beyond in his academics, and he's the first person in his (immediate) family to graduate from college. I'm so proud of him.

Anyway. Wedding. I guess I'll start with the past few days.

Friday I had my first meeting with a florist. My mom bought me a nifty little book called "Bridal Bargains", which boasts to be "the book the wedding industry does NOT want you to read!" and is full of tips and tricks about how to plan a wedding on a reasonable budget. Before the florist meeting I flipped through the "flowers" section to get my bearings on what I should keep in mind and ask about. One of the first things the book said was to meet with your florist about six months before the wedding. Um, woops. Obviously, that's out of the question. As of yesterday, our wedding is exactly four weeks away (don't freak out, don't freak out). Thankfully, the florists I've talked to so far have not had a problem with the short notice. We've (my Mom and I) have met with two florists so far, and both of them said all they need is at least two weeks notice.

The first florist was one I found in the yellow pages, after many exasperating tries to get in touch with a larger, more popular florist, only to be redirected to a location I didn't want to go to every time. Friday at noon, my Mom and I walk into the flower shop.

It was bigger than I imagined; a large yellowish room that, honestly, felt a little vacuous. There were islands of flowers and fake flowers and stuffed animals around the room, but it didn't feel filled in. In a corner near the refrigerated room - the kind that you see in grocery stores where they keep the fresh flowers on display - a green patio table was set up for us, with wedding books filled with sample arrangements awaiting our perusing eyes. The wedding coordinator we met with was also not what I expected: a large man with thick hands and thin glasses, dressed very casually in a gray shirt, jeans and his green florist apron.

In spite it being a lot of things I didn't expect, the meeting went very well. I was impressed with the florist's - named Will - knowledge, and in spite of the many warnings in "Bridal Bargains" about vendors who are out to swindle naive brides, Will was only helpful, even suggesting things to save us time and money (i.e. not ordering many different colors of flowers, having a couple of the groomsmen come pick up the bouquets the day of). He understood my vision of keeping things simple and elegant, and had some great suggestions. The final estimated price came out to be about $275.00, which, according to Will, is fairly reasonable. I was hoping for something less, but from what I've heard $300.00 is about standard for wedding flowers.

Saturday was taken up with Jordan's graduation and celebrating afterwards.

Sunday (yesterday) we went to church, I took a nap on Jordan's couch while he and his roommate watched "Heroes" (Jordan's new obsession. I wouldn't mind, except it's taken his attention away from Buffy, which he no longer wants to watch with me, claiming that Heroes is way better. I disagree), and around 4:00 I came home to work on invitations. Yes, we've still got invites to send out; we've invited a lot of people via Facebook whose addresses we didn't have at the time of the first send-out, and after I stressed out about what to do for a while, my Mom very rationally pointed out that if some have already gotten FB invites, it's still OK to send them real ones, even this late in the game.

After looking through our many address lists, I decided that it would be helpful to compile everything into one big list, a task that ended up taking me several hours last night and a while this morning to finish. It was as boring and tedious as data entry, even when I played part of Alec Baldwin hosting SNL on Hulu to try and keep myself entertained. I do think it's helpful to have everything in one place, though, although I fear there may still be a few addresses that have alluded me . . .

Which brings us to today. We were supposed to meet with another florist at 11:00, but I woke up at 10:00 not feeling up to jumping out of bed and straight into more meetings and checklists, so I called to reschedule for tomorrow. After breakfast (Special K and a kiwi; I've been trying out that "Special K diet" in an extra attempt to trim off a little bit before the wedding) I made a few phone calls to the florist we were going to meet with today, just to double check the time of our appointment. Then, like I mentioned, I went upstairs to finish off the address list. Jordan had come over, so I gave him the tasks of calling the hotel where we're having the ceremony to ask about sound equipment and setting a time for the rehearsal.

Lisa (my soon-to-be mother in-law) called me about an invitation that never made it to its receiver. Turns out the address was out-dated. We also talked a little bit about my bridal shower, which won't be until the week before the wedding so that my older sister/maid of honor, Rebekah, can be there. She's currently in L.A. going to law school and won't be back until early June. Later that morning, my mom called a bakery and a tea house about reserving space for a shower, but other than that we don't have a lot of concrete ideas right now. Like everything else, though, I have confidence that it will come together when it needs to.

OK, florist #2: a pleasant woman at a smaller but much more heavily decorated flower shop. We met with her at 3:00, and I told her my ideas and she added some of her own. I never knew there were so many types of "filler" flowers (i.e. baby's breath, but in many different styles and colors). I'd been hoping for a wildflower-esque floral theme, and some colorful fillers seem to be just the thing.

Halfway through our meeting, however, Deana (pleasant lady florist) found out about a funeral she needed to prep flowers for tonight at 6:00, and I noticed that she started to talk faster and act more rushed. This, along with all the pictures of flowers, names of flowers, suggestions for flowers, and bouquets of flowers that surrounded us, got me a little overwhelmed. Generally, I think the meeting went well, and it was definitely helpful and gave me some better ideas of exactly what I want. We didn't get a price estimation, though. Deana will mail one to us. Mom gets the feeling it will be a little bit more expensive, but we'll see.

We made a couple of other stops on the way home: Staples, to get a planner of the kind I've been wanting (exclusively for wedding things, so I can keep track of people's phone numbers, to-do lists, and appointments all in one place); Walgreens, so I could get a less-expensive planner (we had some buyer's remorse walking out of Staples; all of the cheap planners were school ones with calendars that didn't start until September so we had to go for the pricier ones); and Albertson's, because my mom wanted to show me the many beautiful (and cheap) potted flowers that they have right now. She's been suggesting for a while that we should look into something like that to decorate the chapel for the ceremony. I, I'm a little ashamed to say, have been ignoring my mom's ideas because I didn't think the chapel needed any decoration, and I wanted to keep things simple. However, Deana was actually the one to mention that there are shelves in the front of the chapel where people often put potted flowers to add color to the all-white background, and after seeing the flowers my mom has been imploring me to look at for weeks, I think they're both right.

Someday, I hope, I'll learn that my parents usually give very wise and insightful advice. There's one thing I know for sure: without the help of my parents, Jordan's parents, and other friends and family members, our wedding (or the planning of it, at this point) would not be where it is today. And for that, I know I am incredibly blessed, and I am very thankful.

Where's Alton Brown When You Need Him?

First update in a while. Let's see, what's new in the world of wedding planning . . .

Yesterday, Jordan and I added the first items to our wedding registry at Macy's. I think we're going to settle with Macy's, Target, and Amazon.com. Macy's is mostly for fine china and fancy cookware, Target for bed, bath, entertainment, decor, and Amazon for everything else.

We got to Macy's around 10:30 Saturday morning and made our way upstairs to the "home" department. As soon as we got off the escalator we found Dominic, the wedding registry coordinator, and he sat us down in chairs covered in ivory satin slipcovers and got us all set up. Jordan asked to be briefed on the basics of china, which was very helpful, because I didn't know much, either. We discovered that the term "bone china" means that the manufacturers mix in ox bone (in an ashy, powder form) with the normal porcelain clay, which makes the china more durable and slightly translucent. Non-bone china is just porcelain, slightly more delicate and opaque.

We made good time picking out a china set: Vera Wang's "Blanc sur Blanc" collection. Simple white china with a minimalist decorative border, and platinum accents along the rim of the plates and cups. Next we chose our flatware: again, we wanted simple, and nothing too fancy or expensive. We decided to hold off on wine glasses for Target, because Jordan spotted one of his favorite brands on display at Macy's that is also sold at Target for a fraction of the price.

After we knocked out china, we headed over to cookware and kitchen supplies. We asked Dominic what was available, and he asked us what we were looking for: non-stick, cast iron . . .

"I actually prefer stainless steel," Jordan said. Dominic looked impressed.

"Oh, you're a chef?" he asked, which made me confident that stainless steel was the right choice. It's also Alton Brown's preferred type of cookware, and if it's good enough for Alton Brown, it's good enough for me.

We picked out a ten-piece stainless steel set from Emeril's brand (the Italian guy who yells a lot). There were a couple of other larger sets, but we thought this one was just right, and pretty nice: a layer of copper in the bottom for super extra heat conducting powers and fancy pouring spouts on every pan. We added one non-stick frying pan to the batch as well.

Next we moved to knives, about which both of us know nothing. Jordan called his mom, who apparently knows a lot about knives, and as I wandered between a couple of different brands, I began to wish that Alton Brown was there to tell us which were the best. Jordan's mom recommended Chicago Cutlery, a brand that Macy's doesn't carry, and since Dominic didn't know a lot about knives, either, we decided to hold off.

Jordan had to get to a meeting with another student for a presentation, so we didn't register for a lot else, except for a shiny apple-red Kitchen Aid mixer, and we added a few serving pieces that match the china we picked out.

It's not a huge start, but I think we checked off a couple of big items. I'm not sure how much expensive, fancy china we should expect to get, but you never know. And I really like that cookware.

Later, Jordan set up our Amazon wedding registry, and added those Chicago Cutlery knives to the list that his mom recommended. Thanks, Lisa! I think I'll be adding Alton Brown's cookbook to the line-up, as well. If you hadn't noticed, he's my first and last authority for most things having to do with cooking. And he's just so darn funny!

Note the stainless steel:

At this point, we've got most of the big things booked - ceremony/reception location, attendants, photographer, invitations, bridesmaids dresses, suits for the guys. I'm realizing, though, that it's all of the little things that people normally don't think about when they daydream about their wedding (at least I didn't; although I wasn't the type of girl to often daydream about my wedding, anyway) that can drive you crazy. For instance:

Who's going to do my hair and makeup? At what cost? Do people even do hair on Sundays?

Where are the girls and I going to get ready the day of? There's a little bridal suite in the chapel, but we only get to be in the chapel for an hour before the ceremony.

I have a lot of friends coming from out of town, most of them poor students. Where are they going to stay?

How are those without cars going to get from the ceremony to the reception (about a ten minute drive)?

- Brainflash on that last one. Maybe I'll send out a mass email and ask if anyone who definitely is going to have a car would be willing to carpool with those without.

Who's going to clean up the chapel after the ceremony? We probably won't have anything but flower petals to sweep up, but still . . . it's a job that someone's got to do.

I feel like there's so many more, and when I get thinking about it I start to get overwhelmed. Also, who has time for homework when there's a wedding to plan!

One thing at a time, I guess. Just like everything else.

And a dress for monkey, too

I'm beginning to feel the extra pressure that comes with the realization that our wedding is just over two months away. Suddenly everything seems so real, and our disposable time seems so minimal. First order of business: mail invitations.

Over the past week, I've also managed to take care of another major order of business: assign colors to the bridesmaids and get them to order their dresses.

Last Saturday, I met Nicole, Jon and their little niece Natalia at David's Bridal. Nicole was going to figure out what size dress fits her as well as select her color. I'm having the girls wear all different colors, and I let my sisters have first choice of what they wanted to wear. Natalia was there because she's going to be our (absolutely adorable) flower girl.

I got to the store a little late, and Nicole had already gotten her size and color squared away. They had picked out a flower girl dress for Natalia to try, so Nicole took Natalia into the dressing room to try it on, Jon sat outside the dressing rooms, doodling in his notebook. I wandered around a bit, looking at other possible flower girl dresses. After a few minutes, I returned to the dressing room area, and that's when I heard the screaming.

Intermingled with general wailing I caught the cries, "I don't like it!" and "I'm not pretty anymore!" Nicole's voice carried over the mirrored walls as well, trying to reason with Natalia.

"Of course you're pretty! Why don't you like it?" I made my way over to their room, sensing trouble. After a moment, the door opened, and Nicole and Natalia emerged. Natalia was not wearing a flower girl dress. She clutched her blue stuffed monkey, looking forlorn. Nicole said,

"She doesn't want to try any dresses on." By this time my mom had arrived, she knelt down to give Natalia a hug (my mom adores small children, which can be inferred by the fact I am one of five kids).

We took Natalia back over to look at the other flower girl dresses, asking her if she liked any of them. This one with the poofy skirt? No. How about this one, with the beads? No. What about one of these colored ones? Again and again, Natalia stubbornly shook her head. I've never felt like I'm very good with kids. I don't want to talk down to them, but I don't know how to talk to them in a way that connects. I tried reassuring Natalia, telling her that she was very beautiful, but nothing seemed to be working.

"I think she's a little overwhelmed," Nicole said. "There's so many people in here, and all of these mirrors. As soon as we walked in, she told me she was scared."

We decided to look elsewhere. Jon and Nicole asked Natalia if she wanted to look at the Easter dresses at "the other store" (Burlington Coat Factory). She nodded. This seemed like our only option.

Fifteen minutes later, we were looking at the little girls' dresses at BCF, and Nicole explained to me the real reason why Natalia had been so upset.

"I talked to my grandma on the way over here," she said, "and she told me that for some reason, Natalia had thought we were taking her to look at Halloween costumes. She wants to be Dracula for Halloween, so when we showed her the dresses she thought we were forcing her to be a princess."

I am fascinated by how the child's mind works. After hearing this, Natalia's tantrum made perfect sense. She had desires and expectations that she couldn't express in words; instead, she had been overwhelmed by her emotions. And all this time, she must have thought that we were the crazy ones, that for some unknown reason we weren't cooperating.

Needless to say, after Nicole explained that Natalia could still be Dracula for Halloween, and that this trip was to find a dress for the wedding, Natalia was much more enthusiastic about trying on dresses. Dress after dress I showed her, asking if she liked it, and she was all nods.

Nicole is going to be wearing a heathery-purple bridesmaid dress, and we found an ivory dress for Natalia, adorned with tiny purple roses. And it gets even better: the dress came with an identical miniature dress, just the right size for a favorite doll, or a favorite stuffed blue monkey. I think Natalia liked that part the best.

(Also, can't you imagine an adorable little girl walking down the aisle, scattering flower petals, and cradling her blue monkey in a matching dress? How cute would that be?)

Oh, and we also decided on our photograhper. It's going to be that guy I mentioned in the last couple of blogs. I was worried he'd be too pricey, but they put together a package we're happy with within our budget. They're called Jones Photo Art, if you want to look them up.

Just thought I'd follow up on my last photography blog.

The photographer we met with yesterday was actually really cool. I liked him, and I liked his style and approach to wedding photography. We were a little late for our appointment, so we didn't get to meet his wife because she had to go pick up the kids from school. It's a husband-wife team, so if we go with them, we'll get two photographers for our wedding, which I think is such a great option and idea that it should almost be standard.

I don't remember the man's name, but he had a gentle, if unspectacular face, with features that became more defined as we sat and talked with him and got to know each other.

After giving us an overview of the types of packages they offer, he took us through a questionaire.

"What we like to do," he said, "is to really get to know the couples we work with. I remember when Desiree and I got married, we didn't really know our photographer, he didn't really know us. So we stood outside in the blistering July sun for hours, taking photos that I didn't want to take, and he didn't know what we wanted because he didn't know us. We got some nice photos, but it really wasn't exactly what we would have wanted."

So for the next half hour or so, he asked us questions like, what's your favorite color? What kind of music do you like? Can you give me examples of artists, bands, genres, CDs? What about favorite movies? Where is your dream vacation destination? What kind of job would you want if compensation weren't an issue? (That last one is tough, if you sit down and try to answer honestly. It really makes you examine your motives for current career aspirations, and it helps you understand what really gets your blood pumping.)

The reason for all of this, he explained, as we answered his questions and he scribbled things down on his clipboard, was to allow him to get a feel for who we are as a couple, what kind of taste we have. That way, they can personalize our photos to reflect those parts of ourselves.

All in all, it went well. We're still debating, and I'm waiting on a promised email with a couple of package and price options, but we'll have a decision within the week.

Photography

I shouldn't be writing this right now. I can't really afford the time to be blogging, but I just got off the phone with Jordan, and I wanted to write a little something about wedding photography.

I don't know if it's un-kosher to post budget details in a public forum, so I won't, but I will say that in my opinion, we're working with a pretty decent allotment of funds for the photography for our wedding. But the thing is, everyone is just so expensive! And once you book the locations and buy the dress, a big chunk of your budget is already gone. Not to mention flowers, decorations, wedding party gifts, rehearsal dinner, and the subject at hand, photography.

Several people have advised us not to skimp on photography, because at the end of the day, your photos are among the few tangible things you'll have to remember everything by. I personally don't think we're skimping on photography, but it's hard not to feel like our options are still limited. One of the professional services we liked the best from browsing wedding expos claims to be flexible, to work with your budget to create the perfect package. But I get the impression that it's more like, tell us your budget and we'll tell you what we'll do for that price. Currently, our budget will only buy us four hours of coverage at the actual wedding. We're meeting with them tomorrow, so maybe we can barter a little bit. We'll see.

All I want are some good quality photos with minimum wacky editing (i.e. high contrasty, weird colors, etc. A word of advice to wedding photographers - go for clean and elegant, not funky and artsy. But maybe that's just me) And I don't want to have to shell out a third of our entire budget for them. Is that so much to ask?

What I've Learned (So Far)

While I'm still pretty new to this whole game, there are some things I'm learning about planning a wedding.

First of all, while many may disagree with me, I don't think anyone needs more than about six months to plan a beautiful, thoughtful, well put-together wedding. Jordan and I didn't even have our date set until last week, and we're getting married in June. We've always planned on June, but because of location availability we didn't have a specific date until early last week. Come to think of it, last week was pretty monumental for a lot of the big things - ceremony and reception location, dress, bridesmaids' dresses, invitations. We knocked all of those out (well, mostly; invite are still in progress, and the girls haven't bought their bridesmaids' dresses quite yet) in a matter of about five days, with only about three months left before our desired wedding date.

Also, I get the impression that a lot of women think that they'll somehow lose a lot of weight or transform their figure in the months leading up to their wedding. For some, I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my body is going to change very drastically between now and June, however much I'd like it to sometimes. But really, you kind of get over that after a few months. I think a good pithy saying for many aspects of wedding planning is this: you've got to work with what you've got. Budget, availability, menus, even your own appearance.

But finding a dress that you look fabulous in - as is - sure doesn't hurt.

Let's see, what other tidbit wisdom have I gained so far? Oh, well, one thing I worried about a lot was whether or not all of my friends were going to be able to come. I've learned that no matter when your wedding is, or how far ahead you plan or send out save-the-dates or whatnot, there will always be people you want to be there who just won't be able to be there. That's another one of those things that you kind of just have to get over. Does that sound harsh? I love my friends and family dearly, and I want with my whole heart for everyone that we know and love and that knows and loves us to be at our wedding; but that's just not realistic. And I think I'm becoming OK with that. You just can't control everything.

That's really all I have on my mind at the moment. I'll probably elaborate and add to the list as we go along.

Oh! If you are ever a bride-to-be shopping for your gown, do not turn your nose up to David's Bridal. I did, and I was foolish to. I thought they would be generic, the Wal-Mart of wedding dress stores. But for me, at least, they beat out the other stores in a lot of ways.

For one, you just can't beat their prices. For my first wedding dress fitting/appointment, I went to another store in town that has a reputation for being more formal and high-end. Basically, that translated to very, very expensive, and I didn't really like any of their dresses that much. The two I liked the best were both about $1,000 off the rack, not including any alterations.

David's Bridal, on the other hand, offers a wide variety of styles at an average price of $400-$600. My dress was a little under $500 off the rack, and totals to about $675 including alterations. And it's beautiful - I love it, and I love the way I look in it.

And get this - the associate who helped me try out dresses over the course of my three appointments at David's Bridal is a Biola grad! She just graduated last May ('09), she married a guy that Jordan went to high school with, and she has been super sweet and helpful and encouraging through the whole overwhelming process of finding a gown. In all seriousness, I think I'm going to invite her to the wedding.

Invitations

Yesterday I, with the greatly appreciated help of my little sister, Hannah, my sister-in-law, Nicole, and my mom, tackled another big hump in the wedding planning process: invitations.

Actually, I guess I should start with Friday. Hannah, my mom and I spent most of the afternoon and early evening driving around town, first to find invitations, then to look at shoes. From the get-go, I didn't think it would be necessary to pay for professionally made invites. Back in January, Jordan and I went to a wedding expo here in Albuquerque, and there was only one stationary place that had a booth set up. They had some beautiful stuff, and I got some cool ideas, but I had never planned on making a purchase.

Nicole has been infinitely helpful with planning everything so far. It was on her advice that we made our first stop Target, to look at their ready-made, pre-packaged and put together wedding invitations, complete with envelopes, RSVP cards and their corresponding envelopes. We spent about twenty minutes in Target, considering our options. Hannah and I sat on the floor in the card aisle, opening up boxes that weren't sealed shut to get a better look at the invitations. There were embossed ones, there were ones with velvet borders, there were several with ribbons, and a couple with pretty, printed designs. I like more than one set, but the price was again too high. A box of fifty cost about fifty bucks, and the fancier ones came in sets of twenty-five for almost the same price. I didn't want to spend $200 of our budget on invitations. So we headed out.

Next stop: Hobby Lobby. Now, I used to work at Hobby Lobby, and it wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy experience, so I didn't really want to go to the Hobby Lobby I used to work at for fear of being recognized by any of the employees (particularly Whitney or Caitlin, I don't think they liked me very much . . .) Thankfully, there was another Hobby Lobby location just down the street from Target.

Pause. I realize that Hobby Lobby is not a nationally-known store; let me explain. Imagine a Super Wal-Mart, only it's full of scrapbooking supplies and balls of yarn and unpainted wood and (sometimes nice, sometimes tacky) home decor and wedding supplies. Also, it smells predominantly of fake flowers (which thrive in abundance at Hobby Lobby). If you're making a styrofoam model of the solar system, or if you're hand-painting a jewelry box for your mom's birthday, or if you're shopping for cheap wedding invitations, Hobby Lobby is the place to go.

It was also on Nicole's advice that we stopped at Hobby Lobby. My brother, Jon (Nicole's husband) put together homemade Christmas cards with cheap supplies bought in bulk at Hobby Lobby.

At first, things didn't seem promising. I asked an employee where they had sets of blank cards and envelopes, and he led us to a set of shelves on the end of an aisle (not even in an aisle), which had a meager two shelves with blank greeting cards and envelopes in plastic wrapping. Not what I had in mind. The invites at Target were still fresh in my mind, and I wanted something like a single card on which to print, not folded greeting cards. So we made our way to the wedding aisle to look at their ready-made sets of invites and RSVPs.

After some deliberation, I chose a set of pure white cardstock invitations. The invites themselves are about 6"x6", with an embossed flower-y border along two edges. The RSVPs are the same, only smaller. Hannah and Mom also helped me pick out some rubber stamps and colored ink, just something to make them more colorful and unique. All in all, I'm very pleased with the end result. And to think, when we embarked on our shopping trip I had little to no specific ideas in mind, and in a couple of hours we had everything we needed, all for just over a hundred bucks.

Which brings us to yesterday. Jon and Nicole came over around 1:00, and we printed, stamped, addressed and stuffed invitations for about three hours. I ordered pizza, we listened to music, and we put on the episodes of The Office and 30 Rock that I had missed the previous Thursday.

I think, although I haven't counted, that we got close to 150 invitations and RSVPs made up. We could only address so many, because my list of friends from Biola is still incomplete; although my mom wonderfully and diligently put together a list of her family and friends to send invitations to, so that helped.

Poor Jon seemed a little bored. He spent most of the time in the dining room, working on his computer, which the rest of us printed, stamped and addressed away in the kitchen. I hope he was able to get some work done. He got more involved later, though, when I tried to test out the sealing wax I had bought with the idea of adding an extra personal touch to the invitations. It was a cool idea, but it took about ten tries for us to get the wax to the right consistency, and then to get the seal to stamp in properly. All the while, my mom voiced her worry that if we tried to seal the invitations this way, we'd ruin them, and she also reminisced about using sealing wax when she was younger and thought she remembered that the metallic wax took longer to dry properly.

Turns out, she was right. And it says so right there in the instructions that came with my sealing wax set: metallic wax needs more time to dry.

So, we might scratch that idea, although I'd like to use the seals on something. Maybe programs? It just looks so cool.

Some photos:

Hannah, Nicole and Jon.

One of the stamps we used.

Jon, trying to get the sealing wax to work.

I thought about posting a picture of the finished product, but I kind of want it to be a surprise.

=)

A Preface

My name is Sarah.

I am nineteen years old.

I live in a small desert city, in the wide lap of tall, purple mountains.

I am engaged to a man named Jordan. He is twenty-two.

He proposed in October, we're marrying in June.

Yesterday, I bought my wedding dress.

Today, I argued with my mom, had somewhat of an emotional meltdown, was talked down from the edge by Jordan, and I learned that not only do I have the most wonderful, loving parents around, but I am also blessed beyond all belief to be marrying a man who is strong, patient, forgiving, and absolutely unwilling to let me flounder in my own vices.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring.