The New Life That Awaits Has Already Begun

I can't write much because it's almost 1:00 and tomorrow, I'm getting married.

Somehow, this all still feels surreal. Or maybe, it's not surrealism I'm feeling, but a sense that this is all natural and normal. It feels normal to be with Jordan, to be marrying him. Of course, tomorrow is not a normal, ordinary day; in fact, tomorrow is going to be one of those days where the ordinary (a chapel, a restaurant, a dress, a party, a room where I wait with my friends and family to walk down an aisle) becomes extraordinary. But in a way, after all of this planning and preparation and expectation and anticipation, this just feels right. In a way, as a mentor of mine once put it, "the new life that awaits has already begun." Jordan already feels like a husband to me. He's been a leader and a lover and a giver. We're involved with each other's families. He's come to France with us twice - first in January to visit, then in May for my grandfather's funeral. I remember distinctly thinking on that trip that it was one of those times where the new life had already begun. He comforted my mom, holding her in a hug after we went to the viewing. He talked and laughed and fellowshipped with my cousins and aunts and uncles. He looked after me when I started to feel sick. I wonder how different our relationship will, or won't, feel after tomorrow.

I keep thinking about how this is such a huge thing that we're doing, and I keep thinking that I should be more nervous and frightened than I am. But I also have a strong feeling that I'm going to wake up in the morning very nervous. I can fall asleep because I'm tired, but once I wake up tomorrow I think it'll be go go go until 2:00.

I really want to be calm and focused and aware tomorrow. I don't want it to be a "blur", as so many people say it will be. Anna told me the other day that she was really in awe at her sister's wedding last summer, because she realized that it's such a rare and special and amazing thing to be making a covenant before God and witnesses. That same mentor I quoted earlier also told me this: tomorrow is a day that will be full of outrageous promises that are only made and kept by grace. I couldn't put it better myself.

By God's grace I have Jordan in my life. By grace I have the family and friends I do, who have helped me and loved me and comforted me and inspired me and lived with me throughout this whole process, and who will be there at my side tomorrow. I think it's amazing that Jordan and I are literally going to be flanked by some of the most special people in our lives. We each have a fleet of wingmen who are there to watch out for us and cheer us on.

Tonight, I'm going to pray that God will grant us grace and peace tomorrow.

Soon, I want to catch up on all those things I mentioned earlier, as well as my awesome bachelorette party. I knew Rebekah would do a good job.